The Bible on Forgiving Those Who Wrong You

Biblical forgiveness involves releasing an offender from guilt, releasing judgment, and giving up the right to retribution, while focusing on the restoration of the offender with grace. It has been called Christian forgiveness or scriptural pardoning. This article tests the depth of the doctrines of forgiveness in the Bible by laying out its teachings in their Old Testament (OT) and New Testament (NT) context. It describes what Jesus had to say about forgiveness, His commands and teachings about forgiveness, how biblical forgiveness is applied, and the benefits we derive from it. The article also deals with some of the obstacles in practicing forgiveness and the biblical insights on how to overcome them, and finally, it also makes the link between human forgiveness and God’s act of forgiving.

What does the Bible say about forgiving those who do you wrong?

Forgiving is a fundamental order in the Bible, and in a life that is right with God. Forgiveness is not an emotion; forgiveness is an act of the will, it is a choice not to bring the offense back against your offender, it is a choice to loose them from the debt of their offense against you, it is a choice to surrender your right to revenge. This teaching is present in both Old and New Testaments, morphing in articulation but consistent in its heart. Biblical forgiveness reflects the nature of God, especially in the representation of Him as a God who forgives iniquities, transgressions, and sins. The Bible teaches that forgiveness is when our heart has a change, a willingness to extend grace, and a determination not to hold anything against the one who has wronged us. This is not equivalent to forgetting the wrong, overlooking the fault, or pardoning the criminal, but it’s about removing the burden of both bitterness and resentment from the person who has suffered from the wrongdoer as well as from the wrongdoer to himself or herself. This release provides for healing and the possibility of reconciliation, a testament to the transformational power of God’s love.

What does the Old Testament say about forgiving?

The Old Testament speaks of forgiveness in stories (narrative), laws, and prophets’ sayings to make clear significance and to provide guidelines approaching Jesus’ declaration, justification for the sake of Christ. Forgiveness in the Old Testament is largely rooted in God’s nature and His covenant with Israel. God is always presented as merciful and forgiving, slow to anger and filled with covenant love. Indeed, God self-describes as such in Exodus 34:6-7: “a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin.” It is this trait of the divine which serves as the ultimate model of human forgiveness.

The Old Testament demonstrates forgiveness between people in 3 primary ways:

1. Through restitution and reconciliation laws: The Mosaic Law gives the specific qualifications of righting a wrong, for example, theft or harm done to an individual, and frequently includes compensation to the injured party. Leviticus 6:1-7 describes a process in which the offender confesses their sin, restitutes in full plus one fifth, and brings a guilt offering. This mechanism promotes reconciliation by admitting your mistake and paying your dues, ultimately allowing for forgiveness.
2. Through stories of human encounter: We have Joseph in Genesis 50:15-21 as a striking instance of this. Joseph is betrayed by his jealous brothers, unjustly enslaved and imprisoned, puts his God-given gift to use, and becomes second in command of Egypt, saving God’s people. He says, “You intended evil against me, but God intended it for good.” That’s a level of forgiveness that goes well beyond being offended, and instead, all the way to what God is pursuing.
3. Through prophetic demands of repentance and reformation: We read in the prophets, Isaiah and Jeremiah in particular, of calls for Israel to repent and of forgiveness offered by God and restoration when they turned back to him again. “Your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow” (Isaiah 1:18). These verses highlight the fact that repentance that does not turn away from sin is available for forgiveness.

The OT provides a context for the idea of forgiveness as an act of God and a human obligation, often associated with repentance and reconciliation.

How does the New Testament enlarge the concept of forgiveness?

The New Testament enriches the teaching on forgiveness by making it one of the most foundational elements of Christian discipleship, by highlighting the radical and unconditional character of forgiveness, and by grounding it in the person and work of Jesus Christ. Whereas in the Old Testament we already have God’s pardoning spirit and the idea of restitution developed, the New Testament introduces an element of forgiveness which is less limited in its scope and more exacting in its nature. The New Testament teaches this in 4 main ways.

1. Jesus’s teachings about limitless forgiveness: In the Bible, Jesus tells His disciples to forgive without measure. When Peter poses the question of how often he should forgive his brother in Matthew 18:21-22 — “Up to seven times?” —Jesus responds, “I say to you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” That hyperbolic number announced that forgiveness cannot be calculated; i.e., forgiveness must be incessant. The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Matthew 18:23-35) is another example of this, where we see God has forgiven an unpayable debt, and because of this, we are to forgive those who owe us a small amount in comparison. The servant who has been forgiven and released from a huge debt, but would not forgive a much smaller debt owed to him, had great consequences highlighted to show how serious unforgiveness is.
2. Jesus depicts what forgiveness is: Forgiveness is practiced from the beginning of Jesus’s string of performances and all the way through… yes, even for those who nailed Him! Upon the cross He intercedes, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). It’s forgiveness in spite of tremendous injustice and no direct appeal for forgiveness from the oppressors. His life is a constant outpouring of mercy and compassion toward sinners and calling them to redemption and a new life.
3. Connection between human and divine forgiveness: The NT directly connects a believer’s willingness to forgive with his experience of God’s forgiveness. In the Lord’s prayer in Matthew 6:12, the text is “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” Jesus went on to explain in Matthew 6:14-15, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” This is not to say that human forgiveness provokes God’s forgiveness, but rather that a forgiving spirit is evidence of a life that has genuinely experienced God’s grace. Unforgiveness reveals a heart that has not fully understood or received the immeasurable gift of God’s mercy.
4. Forgiveness as a fruit of the Spirit or as a hallmark of the new covenant: Paul often says the community should be forgiving of its members. In Ephesians 4:32 he commands those who belong to Christ to be “kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Colossians 3:13 reiterates these words: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.” These verses don’t just offer forgiveness as a legal transaction, but as a facet of the Holy Spirit’s work in believers, able to live the new covenant laws of love and grace. Forgiveness is described in the New Testament as a radical Christ-centered practice that is necessary for all who would come after Him.

What do Jesus specifically command about forgiveness?

Jesus offers several challenging, life-changing commands concerning forgiveness, making it a non-negotiable part of discipleship. These were statements that emphasized the magnitude of the forgiveness that was to be received from His followers. For His followers were not merely steps; aiding them to forgiveness, where His messengers, who facilitated that forgiveness through the upholding of legal observance, but Jesus’ followers needed to follow such upholding of the (Mosaic) Law by a moral judgment argument. There are 5 commandments that Jesus gives us regarding this topic.

1. Forgive without limit: This is, of course, Jesus’s answer to Peter in Matthew 18:21-22 (forgive “seventy-seven times”), which is telling us to forgive always and forget about counting. This is because the attribute of forgiving is not spent as a bill is when it is paid in cash, but the issue runs constantly. It challenges the human propensity to place limits on grace, just as God patiently and mercifully remains boundless toward humankind.
2. Forgive in your heart: The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant in Matthew 18:23-35 ends with Jesus saying, “So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” This request dignifies a dissimilar request; it is actual and is internal, not merely an assertion. It takes getting rid of bitterness and resentment and wanting to hurt someone back before reconciliation can even be on the table. An external forgiveness without internal release is not forgiveness as Jesus defines it.
3. Forgive those who wrong you in order to be forgiven by God: After the Lord’s Prayer in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus explains in Matthew 6:14-15: “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” This command makes a direct “if-then” correlation: to the degree that we forgive other people is the degree we understand and receive God’s forgiveness for us. It’s an important reminder that our relationship with God is connected to our relationship with others.
4. Pray for your persecutors: In Matthew 5:44, Jesus says “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Though “to forgive” is not employed explicitly, this command carries the essence of forgiveness. It is a way of releasing our own hurts and pains, and learning to wish for another’s good as sincere goodwill, and if that is not love and forgiveness, we who claim the name of Jesus have no more understanding of love or forgiveness. What is so radical about this teaching is that it transcends mere nonretaliatory nonresistance towards positive goodwill toward our enemies.
5. Work toward reconciliation with all diligence: In Matthew 5:23-24 Jesus says “So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” This is a command that brings the sense of urgency to the repair of relationships over and above religious ritual. What it means is that if a person knows that they have sinned against another, or if there is something unresolved between them, then the onus is on them to begin a process of reconciliation, which often means asking for forgiveness. These commands are a solid basis to learn to understand and forgive as the Bible intends.

What is releasing someone from sin, in practical terms, from the Bible?

The practicalities of biblical forgiveness provide the side of the streets that can be walked on, the mindset that can be adjusted to fulfill the Bible’s instruction. It is not a passive emotion, but a course of action that demands a deliberate act of the will and dependence upon higher power. There are 6 points to consider when it comes to practical forgiveness biblically.

1. Acknowledging the pain, validating the emotions: Forgiveness is not the same as pretending the hurt never happened, or that the betrayal wasn’t monumentally bad. It requires being honest with oneself about the wrongdoing and allowing oneself to feel the emotions of the wrongdoing -that means the anger, the sadness, the betrayal. Pushing these feelings away, in the long-term, can get in the way of forgiveness. The first step to letting go is acknowledging the pain.
2. Deciding to forgive as an act of will: Forgiveness is mainly of the will, a conscious decision to release an offender of the debt they owe. You will have to make this choice again and again, even when bitterness rises up within you. It is a promise to release the right to retaliation and to no longer hold the offense against the person. Forgiveness and such decisions are often made before there are feelings of forgiveness.
3. Release of revenge or retribution: One part of biblical forgiveness is giving up the desire to “get back” at the one who hurt us or to watch him hurt. Romans 12:19 tells us, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.'” Such pardons release the injured party from the hot coals of bitterness, and trust the matter to God to bring about justice in His own time and wisdom.
4. Grace and good will toward the offender: This type of forgiveness is akin to showing grace, because you are being kind even when the person does not deserve it, which reflects the way God has dealt with mankind. It does not always require the reconciliation of a previous marriage, particularly if the offender is still an unbeliever or is otherwise unsafe to be around. But it does mean wishing them well, praying for them, and seeking their good as St. Matthew commands us in 5:44 – “love your enemies.” That could be through practical kindness, either in talking about them kindly or if it is safe and appropriate to do so, in helping them.
5. To convey forgiveness when applicable: Forgiveness is a private act, but when we inform the offender, so they can help us in reconciling, but this is not always necessary or possible. A voluntary expression of forgiveness can help to heal and repair relationships if the wrongdoer is remorseful. If the offending person is not repentant or has perhaps even died, internal forgiveness is still real and the offended one needs internal forgiveness for his or her own spiritual health. Whether or not to assert forgiveness is a matter of wisdom and discretion, knowing the safety of those who have been wronged and whether it will be heard.
6. Seeking God’s help and strength: Forgiving in a Biblical sense can be so difficult because it runs counter to human nature. It takes a higher power to get there. There is prayer and dependence on the Holy Spirit and getting strength from the word. Philippians 4:13 states, “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me,” and that includes forgiving, which isn’t as easy as it sounds. This dependence on God gives people the power to forgive when forgiveness seems impossible.

What are the good results of exercising this biblical forgiveness?

Biblical forgiveness has so many rich rewards, not only to the one forgiving, but to personal relationships and even our walk with The Lord. These benefits go beyond alleviation of feelings; what else, you ask: physical health; mental clarity; and a greater intimacy with God. Here are 5 key advantages of practicing biblical forgiveness:

1. The freedom that comes with emotional liberation: Deep resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. In contrast, forgiveness sets the offended person free from the emotional chains of resentment, anger, pain, and vengeance. It liberates people from the prison of always pulling forward behind them the offense and the offender. This freedom is healing and you experience a noticeable reduction in stress, anxiety, and depression as a result. Psychologically, research reports that people who forgive tend to experience less negative affects and more positive affects like hope and peace.
2. Better physical health: Unforgiveness leads to a chronic stress that can injure our bodies in a multitude of ways. Chronic anger can keep stress hormones constantly elevated, with potential risk for high blood pressure, heart disease, weakened immune system, and pain. They have seen people’s health improve when they forgive. For instance, studies have found an association between forgiveness and a decrease in cardiovascular reactivity to stress.
3. Restoration and possibility of reconciliation: Forgiveness doesn’t guarantee reconciliation, but it makes the way for it possible. When somebody who has been wronged truly forgives, it clears the way for conversation and for understanding — and for the potential renewal of trust. And sometimes forgiveness even results in restored relationships, ones that are stronger because they are based on grace and mutual empathy for each other. There may not be complete restoration, but forgiveness enables the victim to live and abandon the unresolved conflict.
4. Spiritual development and a closer relationship with God: Forgiveness teaches us to obey the commands of God and reflect his own character. When they (the believers) yield to forgive others, they become more like the heart of God and experience an intimacy with His grace. Such obedience leads to spiritual growth, greater faith, and a closer relationship with deity. Forgiving can be a potent spiritual exercise that brings people nearer to the Fount of forgiving grace.
5. Peace of mind, peace within: Unforgiveness is a disturbance to one’s peace of mind causing constant mental trouble and preoccupation towards the wrong of the past. Forgiveness, however, comes with an incredible amount of peace. It gives release from the weight of the offense, clears the head, and brings peace from letting go. This peace within is a characteristic of the life led by the principles of the Bible, and a sure footing through the storms and trials of life. This is a powerful testament to the fact that forgiveness really, truly isn’t about the person who did us wrong — it’s about the person who is healing.

What are the challenges to biblical forgiveness, and how do they get resolved?

In spite of these and other advantages that come with biblical forgiveness, practicing it can be hard – very hard – for the human heart. These obstacles are rooted in such things as human nature, the magnitude of the harm caused, and the culture of vengeance that is so prevalent in society. Yet the Bible offers numerous examples and tools for moving around them as well. Here are 4 common issues and the biblical response.

1. The feeling of injustice, the desire for revenge: When you’ve been terribly hurt by someone, you want some justice, some blood to be drawn, or justice to be done, some kind of eye-for-an-eye repayment. This challenge comes from the survival urge to protect oneself and the perception that forgiveness releases the criminal “hook free.” Victory requires you to lay down your right for personal vengeance to God’s discretion. Romans 12:19 says quite plainly “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.'” This involves charting a course to trust that God, in whom we have every confidence as the perfect arbiter of justice, will fully account for every sin, whether in this life or the next. When we can release the desire for personal vengeance, the wounded can concentrate on their own recovery rather than being obsessed with the fate of the wrongdoer.
2. The problem of forgiving continuous offenders or impenitent offenders: It becomes even more difficult to forgive when the person keeps hurting you or does not show remorse for their actions. And the human tendency is to withdraw the forgiveness when it is not matched or recognized. Jesus speaks directly to this in Matthew 18:21-22, when He directs us to forgive “seventy-seven times,” suggesting a boundless, never-ending forgiveness. This passage demonstrates that forgiveness does not depend upon some action of the offender. Although most reconciliation happens after the offender has repented, the forgiveness side of the equation is an act of release and healing for the forgiver personally and does not require a response from the offender. The key to a breakthrough in this area is a serious determination to follow the biblical priority that forgiveness is for the forgiver’s release.
3. The misunderstanding of forgiveness as excusing the wrong or releasing the memory: Many resist forgiveness because they believe it means that the offense wasn’t wrong, or that they have to forget the pain so they can let go of it. And that is a really high bar. Ones who have repented of this have not yet figured out what biblical forgiveness really means. To forgive is not to excuse the sin that has been committed, or to pretend it is of no consequence. It involves forgiving the offender by releasing him or her from the debt of the offense and individual resentment. It also doesn’t mean not forgetting that it happened, because remembering can last. Instead, it’s about changing the memory so that it doesn’t have the power to hurt or upset you or dictate how you feel today. Memory serves for knowledge; and experience for caution; but not for spite.
4. The emotional harm and psychological damage related to the crime: Deep wounds, particularly deep betrayal, abuse, or loss, can make the idea of forgiveness feel impossible. It’s separate from them and it’s so insidious and painful that the idea of letting it go feels like it would minimize the extent of what was wrong. The only path out of this is to admit the pain is deep and to seek divine healing. The Bible teaches us that as believers we should cast all of our cares and worries upon God (1 Peter 5:7), because He cares for us. It also means going to a trusted pastor, mentor, Christian counselor, or support group. This way may be a gradual one, comprising many specific acts of choosing to forgive as feelings return. Dependence on the power of the Holy Spirit is critical for it is He who enables men to do the otherwise impossible. The forgiveness given by Jesus there on the cross, to His persecutors, is evidence that it is possible also in great suffering and through divine grace.

In what way does the forgiveness of God bear on human forgiveness?

Frank Gaebelein writes that the forgiveness of God stands as both the paragon and the means by which believers are to be able to forgive others. The biblical doctrine of human forgiveness is closely connected with, and logically dependent on, God as a forgiving God.

1. God’s forgiveness is the supreme pattern and model of human forgiving: Through the words of the Bible, the forgiver is always God, who shows incredible patience, mercy, forgiveness, and grace to humanity, in spite of its repeated rebellion and sin. In Psalms 103:10-12 it reads: “He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” This godly pattern of taking away sins is the greatest prototype of forgiving to which people are invited. The New Testament backs this up, commanding believers to “forgive one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32). Thus, human forgiveness should mirror the unlimited, generous, and full character of divine forgiveness, being bound by neither the greatness of the sin nor the worthiness of the sinner.
2. God’s forgiveness is the antecedent and basis of human forgiveness: The capacity for human beings to forgive others is grounded in the fact that they have been forgiven by God, believing in Jesus Christ. Before you are able to offer legitimate forgiveness, you need to personally understand the great amount of sin God has forgiven in your life. The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Matthew 18:23-35) is a vivid example of this. The slave who was allowed freedom by his lord was supposed to do the same kind of good to his fellow slave who had a relatively small amount of debt from the former. For his refusal to do the same, he was sent to be “tortured” – an object lesson of how little he understood the grace of God. Once people understand the immeasurable forgiveness which their sins have received, then they can extend their own forgiveness in the same abundance. This divine forgiveness achieves the miracle of changing the heart so that human forgiveness may occur.
3. The forgiveness of men is a testimony of God’s working in the life of a believer: The ability to forgive, especially under adversity, is not even something that is human, but is a supernatural ability of the Spirit of God. When Christians forgive, they are showing that they are really the object of God’s forgiveness and are being shaped in His likeness. There is a difference, of course, between what Jesus expresses in Matthew 6:14-15 – that our forgiveness is alleged to be earned by our forgiving others – and transactions, so I would be very careful about reading into that passage the view under discussion. Rather, it means that a spirit reconciled to God manifests itself in one who is able to forgive. On the other hand, an unforgiving heart is a sign of a hindrance in one’s spiritual life, and that they may not have come into the knowledge of the nature of God. So, human forgiveness is a response both of God’s preceding forgiveness and a tangible evidence of God’s redemptive power working in the human hearts.

What, then, is the more expansive biblical idea of reconciliation?

When we step away from the specific context of the individual heart reconciliation, we find a much larger scriptural concept of reconciliation which includes the restoration of right relationship between individuals as well as between people and God. So, it is an art of concluding anything that is broken due to sin or offense for a peaceful restoration of relationship. Reconciliation requires most of the time forgiving, because when you forgive you take off your maps, your resentment, and all that, and then the relationships are able to recover. Forgiveness is letting the perpetrator go, whereas reconciliation is a two-way process that generally involves repentance and forgiveness. The acme of reconciliation, according to the Bible, is in what Christ did, when man who was estranged by sin from God was reconciled back through His atonement. “All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians 5:18-19). This verse is a clear statement that God was the first to act in the reconciliation of people to Himself, and now the response of Christ’s followers is to engage in that ministry on a personal level of their relationships.

Is forgiveness forgetting the wrong done?

Forgiveness is not forgetting wrongs because memories of being wronged may never leave us. That, however, is letting go of the memory and sucking the power out of it to hurt us or dictate our emotions, letting go of the anger and the resentment.

Does the Bible make forgiveness conditional?

Forgiveness in the form of letting go of personal vengeance and the desire for retribution is unconditional for the forgiven, but can form a precondition in the heart of the forgiver. Yet, a complete healing and reestablishment of trust in a relationship is usually contingent on the repentance of the offender and change.

How do you forgive someone that never asked for forgiveness?

Forgiving is a conscious decision made within one’s own heart to release an individual from what is due to them, even if the other individual is unrepentant and unaware of the fact that they have been forgiven—to surrender the desire to retort to God.

What if the offender persists in causing harm?

Obviously, if the wrongdoer keeps harming, one is still able to “give internal forgiveness so as to rid myself of my personal bitterness,” but one needs to set some healthy boundaries, guard one’s safety, and if necessary, withdraw from the harmful person to prevent further injury.

What are the biblical steps to forgiveness?

Biblical forgiveness typically involves 4 main steps:

1. Admit that you were hurt.
2. Decide to forgive.
3. Give up the desire to get back at the other person.
4. Reach out in love and goodwill toward the person who hurt you; this frequently involves the use of words if it is safe and appropriate.

What does the Bible say about forgiving yourself?

Self-forgiveness is a concept related to a Christian’s duty and obligation to receive God’s forgiveness for one’s sins, let go of self-judgment, and extend to oneself the same grace and compassion that God grants. This is not about rationalizing sin but rather of accepting Christ’s redeeming power and living without guilt.

When is forgiveness different from reconciliation?

Forgiveness is a unilateral action that consists of releasing the offender from their wrong and relinquishing resentment, with the primary beneficiary being the forgiver. Reconciliation is a two-way transaction in restoring a broken relationship — it takes the participation of everyone from both sides, including a parallel trust building and, in many cases, even repentance on both parts.