Build a Stronger Christian Marriage

A Christian marriage is a bond between a man and a woman, consecrated by God, mirroring the union of Christ and the Church. This oneness is spiritual, emotional, and physical, as entrusted to us in the Bible. It is a lifelong vow representing the deep, eternal love of God and unity. This brief writing looks at the fundamentals of constructing a more Godly Christian marriage. It explains the basics of the relationship, basic bible principles, effective communication, settling conflicts, and a focus on spiritual growth and forgiveness in the marriage. This journey is a roadmap for Christian husbands and wives who desire a strong marriage.

What does it take to build a Christian marriage that lasts?

It takes intentional application of biblical principles and effort on the part of both spouses to have a stronger Christian marriage. It begins in recognizing marriage as a divine institution that mirrors Christ and the Church. This perception creates a different context for action, judgment, and development. A good Christian marriage is not something that happens by accident; it happens intentionally by using the Word of God as a blueprint, and faith as the wind in your sails. It’s a lifelong learning and building together, whether in spiritual or communication discipline or how to resolve conflicts. The commitment of loyalty and mutuality, of lifetime companionship, provides the base.

There are 7 foundational building blocks to a strong Christian marriage:

1. Biblical Principles: Grounding the marriage in God’s Word.
2. Effective Communication: Open and honest dialogue.
3. Conflict Resolution: Handling disagreements with grace.
4. Forgiveness: Releasing hurts and rebuilding trust.
5. Spiritual Growth: Pursuing individual and shared spiritual development.
6. Mutual Respect and Roles: Understanding and honoring complementary roles.
7. Shared Purpose and Ministry: Working together for God’s glory.

What are more biblical concepts to build a strong Christian marriage on?

Here are a few biblical rules for a stronger Christian marriage, which can offer guidance for those who are not sure about God’s rules on marriage and can help you strengthen the bond with your spouse.

• Marriage as a Covenant: Marriage is a holy agreement that is holy and should not be broken. Genesis 2:24 states, “A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” This “one flesh” relationship is an unbreakable connection indicating a total commitment and a lasting bond. It is more than a contract and even beyond a pact, where you have conditions and exceptions of terms.
• Agape Love: There are 2 general types of love shown in the Bible that are practiced in marriage: phileo, which means brotherly love, and agape, which is unconditional, sacrificial love. Husbands and wives are to operate out of such selfless, self-giving, sacrificial love. Ephesians 5:25 says that husbands are to love their wives “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This depicts a love that patiently suffers, gives up, and pursues the highest good of the spouse.
• Mutual Respect: Another guiding principle is mutual respect. Although it is typically spoken of as a wife’s respect for her husband, the Bible teaches mutual honor within the body of Christ itself, which includes marriage. Philippians 2:3 commands Christians to “value others above yourselves.” This directly applies in the context of marriage, in which as husband and wife, our highest esteem is directed towards each other.
• Biblical Submission: The New Testament teaching to wives to submit – especially in Ephesians 5:22 – is frequently misapplied. The Greek here does not imply any inferiority but a voluntary submitting one’s self to be led by (or lambdano, lasso) the shepherd, much in the same way as the church does to Christ (vs. 24). This is in contrast with the husband’s instruction to love his wife self-givingly, so that she may be well cared for and honored. And where both partners function within these boundaries, you have true honor and peace.
• Spiritual Unity: Spiritual unity especially compacts these laws. It is to be “one in the Lord,” having a common faith and purpose in Christ. This shared purpose expresses itself in similar spiritual practices, in a common set of aims, and in a united stance against outside pressures. To better understand what God intended for this basic relationship, you may want to read The Bible and Marriage document.

What role does communication play in a strong Christian marriage?

When Christian couples develop effective communication, it helps to make their marriage stronger because it creates a foundation of openness and intimacy and provides a structure to solve problems. Positive communication includes 3 elements: active listening, honest speaking, and shared prayer.

1. Active Listening: Don’t do anything else when responding to a partner with either too little information or too much information (or a question or a statement) than listen – without interruption or composing a response. It’s asking “Tell me more,” reflecting back feelings, and hearing feelings out.
   • How to Activate the Skill: Rather than shutting down a spouse’s worry about money, active listening sounds like, “I hear that you’re feeling nervous about our spending because of those surprise bills lately.” This shows that you have listened to and understood the information. This is great advice from James 1:19: “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” This advice is especially applicable in the context of marriage, where it avoids misconstruction and cultivates sympathy between the partners.
2. Honest Communication: Honest communication is expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and respectfully. This is transparency that can help you build trust and head off assumptions. It’s all about expressing feelings by using “I” statements, not pointing your finger in the air, aiming it at your partner, and saying “you,” which will generally elicit defensiveness, not endearment.
   • For instance: To declare, “I feel hurt when you interrupt me” rather than “You always interrupt me” is more productive. This helps create a space in which both parties feel safe to be themselves. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” This specifically applies to husband-wife conversation, uplifting and building up the other through our words.
3. Praying Mutually: Praying mutually is a strong testimony for God, but also between husband and wife. When couples pray together, they forge a spiritual bond; they talk to God together about shared hopes and concerns, and the Lord begins to help them figure out how to navigate challenges and passions.
   • Pray Together: Make up a time to discuss your prayer requests together, i.e., if couples have any hard decisions to make, they can come together and pray for wisdom while taking turns to share their feelings with God and with each other in their prayer. By doing this, they generate spiritual intimacy and they conjoin one’s heart and thought to God and God’s will. Regular and intentional discussion on ordinary everyday moments, major life decisions, and individual spiritual journey strengthen the marital relationship.

What helps when you have conflicts in Christian marriage?

When it comes to helping to resolve conflict in Christian marriage, we have the route of grace, of pardon, of consultation with God, and the route of working through a specific process of dealing with resentments. Conflict is a part of every human relationship that simply cannot be avoided, especially in marriage, because we come from different worlds, we are different people, and we see things differently. The Christian context provides unique resources for turning conflict into opportunities for growth and intimacy. There are 4 key steps in a structured approach to dealing with conflict.

1. Engage in disagreements with a spirit of grace. In this context, grace entails giving one’s spouse unwarranted favor, understanding, and patience even when he or she seems to be in the wrong. This means extending the benefit of the doubt to the other person and remembering their dignity and God’s love for them. Philippians 2:4 says, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” That selfless perspective allows us to take a less aggressive, negative, self-negative approach to arguing.
   • Instead of reacting with anger to insults, a wife might take a moment to consider the perspective of the husband, perhaps offering grace rather than judgment.
2. Model biblical forgiveness. Forgiveness is more than just forgetting or overlooking an offense; it is a deliberate act of releasing the other party from their debt and giving up the legal right to seek that demanded recompense from them. Colossians 3:13 says, “And be ye also patient; establish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” This takes a willingness to release grudges and woundedness that destroy intimacy in marriage.
   • There are 3 facets of forgiveness: Relinquishing the right to punish, letting go the emotional load, and doing work to rebuild. Forgiveness is not a single decision or even one action, especially for deep wounds. For instance, in the case of an argument, the offended spouse can say “I forgive you for those words, and I choose to go on,” even if the emotions of feeling hurt have not disappeared, trusting that God will heal emotions.
3. Prayerfully seek God’s guidance in scripture. Before or while arguing, Christian husbands and wives turn to God’s word in prayer, asking for wisdom, a humble heart, and a spirit of forgiveness. This creates space for God to move and shifts the concentration from “me winning” to restoration of relationship.
   • It may be that a couple prays before they tackle a touchy issue, asking for clarity in communication and God’s perspective on that issue. There are many principles we are given in Scripture for peaceful confrontation, including Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
4. Have a method for dealing with disagreements. This means scheduling a time (preferably when no one is upset) to calmly talk about it; (1) using ‘expressive I’ statements to express what you feel, (2) listen actively, without interrupting, to the other person’s point of view, (3) breaking down what’s troubling you into smaller pieces, (4) trying to work together to find a solution, and (5) no matter how big or small the problem, agree on a plan to fix it that both parties agree upon.
   • There are 2 golden rules for constructive conflict resolution: All decisions should be based on your shared values, and there should be no name-calling or personal attacks and no bringing up historical unresolved issues. So, if a couple argues over how to handle housework, they’d propose sitting down together, stating what they find burdensome, what they expect of each other, writing down all the chores, then splitting them according to agreement and commit to revisiting the plan in two weeks. This organized communication is a way for us to work things out without hurting our relationship in the process.

How does spiritual intimacy develop in a marriage relationship between Christians?

Spiritual intimacy expands in Christian marriage as a couple practices spiritual disciplines and prays for each other to connect with God in a way that causes a bond to occur. It is not the intimacy of emotions or of the body, but this deep connection whereby Christian mates have the closest relationship with God and each other, through which they are united first to God then to each other. The following are 5 key spiritual intimacy-building habits:

1. Pray Together: Regular prayer together nurtures the spiritual connection as hearts then trust and confess to God side by side. It may be something as straightforward as daily prayers for personal needs, intercession on behalf of others, or thanksgiving.
   • For example: A couple could agree to pray together for 5 minutes every night, telling one another their struggles and their gratitude to both one another and to God. This is the disciplining of spiritual unity, the place where their unity is nurtured.
2. Read the Bible Together: Have a date night where y’all just read a little bit of scripture and discuss it (light stuff) – that’s where you get spiritual food together and guidance together. It allows each person to grow in their knowledge of who God is and what He wants us to do within our marriage.
   • That could be reading a chapter a day, it could be part of a devotional commitment or a God in 90 Days plan, or delving into one Bible book. For example, a couple might choose to read through the book of Proverbs together, talking about a couple of verses each morning, and how they relate to their daily lives and marriage. This mutual spiritual learning produces wisdom and spiritual depth.
3. Worship and Commune with Fellow Christians Together: And when they go to church, break bread, and serve side by side, they are reminded of their shared mission and who they are in Christ. This kind of shared spiritual experience deepens personal faith and reinforces the couple’s commitment to each other in the community.
   • Some examples: Regularly attending Sunday services together, joining a Thursday night Bible study with other Christian couples, or seeking out Christian couples that you admire and respect and joining them for dinner once a week.
4. Share your Spiritual Insights and Challenges: Personal sharing of sermon reflections, book reviews, and individual spiritual struggles promote a culture of trust and mutual brokenness. This mutual sharing of spiritual sojourns helps husbands and wives empathize and better understand one another.
   • For instance: One partner might inquire after a sermon, “What was your big takeaway from the message today and how do you think that applies to us?” This gets a spiritual conversation of connecting deeper between both of them.
5. A Commitment to Mutual Spiritual Accountability and Encouragement: One of the ways that members of the couple can support one another spiritually is by helping their spouse apply spiritual disciplines and pushing one another in areas where spiritual development is needed. That means encouraging one another during those dry times and rejoicing when you have victories spiritually!
   • For instance: If one of you wants to regularly read the Bible, the other can check in regularly to see how things are going and either give a word of encouragement or some help to make the tradition possible. This deliberate cooperation in faith strengthens their spiritual stamina and their intimacy.

What roles of the spouses are found in the Bible in a Christian Marriage?

In a Christian marriage in the Bible, the traditional role of a Christian wife has always been to stand by her husband’s side, with respect and obedience. It is not that one is better than the other, but they are complementary roles in the service of the marriage that is for our good and leads to the welfare of individuals and the flourishing of society and manifests the order of the Trinity and the relation between Christ and the Church. There are 2 roles in a Christian marriage, different but equal.

• The Husband’s Role: The husband is called to be a loving head, to lead his family in a sacrificial way in love, in spiritual direction, and in provision. Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands “to love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This leadership is not dictatorial or imposing; instead, it is servant-leadership, seeking the welfare of the wife as superior to that of his own. There is protecting, caring, and feeding of her—physically and metaphysically.
  • For instance: A husband lovingly leads his household by instituting prayer times, attentively listening to his wife’s concerns, making godly decisions which are good for his family, and taking accountability for the spiritual atmosphere of the home. This reflects the final cross of our Lord and His unselfish service to His followers.
• The Wife’s Role: The wife is commanded to respectful submission which refers to gladly following the loving leadership of her husband and treating him with reverence. Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” This act of submission is freely given trust and respect for the God-given position of the husband, not the act of forced submission. It all translates to standing with him, counseling him, acknowledging his work or actions, and working beside him in establishing their home and family.
  • In the example: The wife respectfully states her opinion, gives it all over to her husband who will explore in prayer to make wise decisions (where applicable) and confirmed him with affirmations, or no. This minister is designed to harmonize and unite the two married parties showing the Church answerable to Christ.
• Mutual Submission: Both functions function within a context of mutual honor and service, as expressed in Ephesians 5:21: “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” By this mutual submission, they can never be seen as above each other but are to serve each other. The husband does not rule, and the wife does not need to shut up. Both are called to image the likeness of Christ, edifying one another in love and in unity. The effectiveness of such roles is contingent upon both husband and wife being in the will of God and humbly serving one another in ways governed by these faith-based designs.

How does forgiving your spouse, partner, lover make your Christian marriage stronger?

Forgiveness works to build a healthy Christian marriage as it brings healing to relational hurts, halts the growth of bitter roots, and restores intimacy. It is an expression of the heart of the Christian faith, that God forgives our sins for Christ’s sake. In marriage, with two flawed humans rubbing shoulders on a daily basis, feelings get hurt all of the time, from minor irritants to major betrayals. There are three key components of forgiveness that enhance marital muscles.

1. Forgiveness makes it possible to let go of resentment and bitterness. Grudges create emotional space and barriers between husbands and wives. If not addressed, resentment can fester and poison the whole relationship. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is a choice to release the desire for retaliation or the need for the other to pay for the offense. This is a liberation for both the injured person and the offender.
   • For instance: If a husband and wife argue and say a bunch of hurtful things, one spouse might decide to forgive and forget right away – before bitterness has a chance to take root. And that’s in line with Colossians 3:13, which tells followers, “Forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
2. Forgiveness is a prerequisite to reconciliation and rebuilding of trust. Forgiving is something you do by an act of the will. Reconciliation is something that takes two: the person who sinned and the person sinned against. Reconciliation is the process of restoring the trust that has been shattered and the relationship that has been torn. That could mean hard conversations, admission of wrongdoing, and a promise to do better.
   • As an example: When a spouse violates a promise, the injured spouse’s forgiveness and the offending spouse’s genuine apology and commitment to keeping future promises restore trust little by little. This is a part of the restorative grace of God in human relationships.
3. The forgiveness to be exercised in marriage reveals Christ’s redemptive work. When Christians willingly opt to forgive, it becomes a model of ultimate forgiveness, which Christ has already exemplified on the cross. This solidifies their marriage and their personal relationship with God. Forgiveness would be a mighty witness to the grace of God working in their lives.
   • For instance: When a wife is seen as ‘easy to forgive’ a consistent petty offense, it speaks of patience and love which are quintessential features in the personality of Christ. This opens up an opportunity for both spouses to grow in humility and grace and to become a model for Christ’s self-giving love. It is forgiveness re-applied, every day, again and again and again for good strong Christian marriages.

How can Christian husbands and wives achieve spiritual growth together?

Practical applications for Christian spouses to strengthen together in their spiritual life would be to coordinate spiritual disciplines, serve together in ministry, and cultivate spiritual accountability. Growth in the faith is not only an individual journey but a relational one, especially true within the covenant of marriage. There are 3 specific areas of practical spiritual growth in Christian marriage.

1. Fostering common spiritual disciplines means regularly doing things together that help bring both of you closer to God. This can be like reading the Bible together, praying together, and memorizing scripture together.
   • For instance: A husband and wife may choose to read a chapter of the Bible each morning over breakfast, talk about what they had just learned, and then pray through the verse. You may also want to select one day a week to fast and offer up specific marriage or family needs in prayer. These shared habits generate a spiritual language and cadence that bind their lives together.
2. Doing ministry as a couple is a profound way to grow together as partners in the faith. Playing the part of a team for God is a way to be united toward something bigger than yourselves. Even small group members can help, whether that’s serving at church, reaching out into the community, or opening up their homes for groups.
   • For example: A couple that both volunteer in the children’s ministry at church teaching Sunday school, volunteering at events. Example number two would look something like consistent visits to an older couple in their church with practical help and spiritual encouragement. It is also in their service together that their spiritual connection can be deepened and the teller can see effective Christian service lived out.
3. Building spiritual accountability involves developing the sort of relationship in which spouses can be open about their spiritual struggles and victories and where they can discuss ways to grow and support one another in God’s will. It takes trust, transparency, and to guard one’s heart in speaking truth with love.
   • For instance: One spouse may ask the other, “What is God teaching you right now?” or “How’s your personal prayer time going?” with authentic listening and supportive interactions. Accountability can also refer to holding each other to biblical standards, including wise stewardship of money and controlling speech. This mutual approach to spiritual accountability helps both people keep on track with God’s leading and results in spiritual intimacy that is based on being honest and dedicating themselves to Christ together.

What makes marriage a holy matrimony?

As per Christian beliefs, marriage is a holy covenant, sanctified by God, different from secular relationships based on its divine origin and spiritual significance. It’s a lifelong, second to none, reflection of Christ’s relationship to the Church. This definition emphasizes 3 aspects of the law: divine origin, covenantal basis, and symbolic function.

1. Divine Origin: Marriage is not a human construct; it is a divine institution set forth by God in Genesis 2:24 before there were human governments and laws.
2. Covenantal Basis: It is a covenant, a holy contract between two people and God, that involves eternal promises and mutual responsibilities.
3. Symbolic Function: It represents the mystery of Christ’s love for His Church (Ephesians 5:32), where the husband’s love reflects Christ’s devotion to us, and the wife’s respect reflects the Church’s devotion to Him.

These 3 realities delineate marriage as a holy covenant within a Christian framework.

These small contexts help Christian spouses in their everyday and lifelong journey. There are 5 common questions which pop up very often on Christian marriage help.

How should prayer occur in a Christian marriage?

Prayer is foundational to the success of a Christian marriage for 3 reasons: it helps to align spiritually; it provides a way to submit to divine guidance; and it is an act of intercession. It brings a husband and wife into alignment with God’s will, as well as with each other, and directs them in their decisions, enabling them “to stand in the gap” for their spouse’s needs. Even as a partner prays for just 5 minutes a day, joint prayer can “bond the hearts and minds” of a couple.

How do Christian couples deal with money conflicts?

Christian couples approach financial conflicts using the following 4 biblical principles: open communication, submission, stewardship, and seeking God’s guidance. They have an open, transparent conversation about budgeting, prioritize giving and saving, and pray for discernment in financial decisions. For instance, a couple sets up a weekly money meeting to go over expenses and allocate funds so neither feels left out or slighted.

What are the advantages of Christian marriage counseling?

There are 3 benefits to receiving Christian counseling marriages:

1. A godly, objective perspective on your marriage
2. Tools for better communication and conflict management
3. Spiritual accountability

It offers a safe environment for couples to work on their issues with help based on biblical truth. For instance, a therapist shows you how to pinpoint negative communication styles and offers up 4 strategies for doing better.

What keeps passion alive in marriage, a Christian marriage?

Whether you are newlyweds or have been married for decades, passion is work: here are four things that keep passion alive in a Christian marriage. This includes intentionally seeking one another out, verbalizing thankfulness, and doing fun activities together. When they make a plan to have a “date night” once a week, for example, and start talking late into the night and get physical, their connection strengthens.

How does discipleship factor into a Christian marriage?

The role of discipleship in a Christian marriage has 3 main tasks: allowing individual spiritual growth, demonstrating Christ-like living, and training your children in faith. It is also based on both spouses’ growing seed in their spiritual walk in life and leading one another and their family in a godly life. So, a husband might disciple his wife to pursue her Bible study, or a couple might disciple their children to have daily devotions.